


Rock Bottom

by thetwistedargent



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, References to Depression, Revival fic, The X-Files Revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 07:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13185231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetwistedargent/pseuds/thetwistedargent
Summary: Here’s a little @fictober fic on my take of Mulder’s and Scully’s breakup. It’s incredibly angsty, just like everything else I’ve been writing lately.Warnings: depression, Mulder/ other mention





	Rock Bottom

When Scully left, Mulder felt a sense of betrayal so deep that it shattered what little was left of him into a billion tiny little pieces. Scully took every little piece clinging to her as she slammed their—no, his—front door shut.

Logically, he knew this is where they’ve been heading for years, perhaps even before they were actually together. Maybe it was the reason they waited so long to come together in the first place. They were always destined to go up in flames.

He pushed her away. He didn’t give her any other choice but to leave, but it still pisses him off that she left. She was supposed to be the one person that he could always count on. She was supposed to stay with him until the end.

He wasn’t easy to live with. After being pardoned, no longer having to worry about death lurking around the corner, the darkness finally consumed him. He had spent so long worrying about his own safety and putting Scully back together that he completely forget to take care of himself.

He pushed everything he felt about William aside. All the heartache. All the grief. All the anger. Everything. He just locked it up deep inside himself and held it down by the need to survive and protect Scully and himself.

But once he was finally free and Scully had come to accept her choices, the darkness crept up on him until one day he could no longer see the light. Everyday he was left alone with nothing but his thoughts. They were dark thoughts.

He thought about everything that had been taken from him: his son, his work, his freedom, his sanity. He thoughts about everything he missed, all the moments he would never get back.

He thought about Scully’s pregnancy and how he missed almost the entire thing. Even when he came back, he wasn’t himself. He didn’t know where he fit in. Suddenly Scully was pregnant with a child that he wasn’t sure was his. Some part of him knew Scully would never be with anybody else, and the timing made sense, but if the baby was his why hadn’t he feel anything? He realized sometime later that he had turned off his emotions as a coping mechanism. It took some time for them to come back to him, but eventually they did. And when he held that precious miracle in his arms, he knew that without a doubt that William was his. Too bad it couldn’t last.

He thought about how he was only able to spend a few days with his son before he had to leave to protect the boy and his mother. He thought about how hard it must have been for Scully for raise William on her own, not knowing if Mulder was even still alive. Mulder didn’t have time to worry in those months after William’s birth. He had a mission to carry out, and he knew that his family would be waiting for them when he came back.

He thought about how Scully gave up their son without telling him. It pissed him off, but not for the decision she made. Mulder knew that Scully only did what she absolutely believed was necessary. He trusted her. He was pissed at himself for not being there with her. He was pissed for not protecting them like he was supposed to. He was pissed at the men who forced him into hiding.

He thought about his incarceration and then his death sentence and how much time he had lost. He thought about all the hell it had put on his and Scully’s relationship. How much stress it added to his life

And then he thought about how easily the charges were dropped. After years of always looking behind his shoulder, he was finally free, yet somehow it was the worst punishment of all.

Every single emotion he had buried in order to ensure his survival was free to haunt him. The full weight of his actions crushed him like a ton of bricks.

He had a son out there in the world. A miracle baby that he and Scully had prayed for so hard. A son who’s face he could barely remember. William consumed his thoughts.

The depression swallowed Mulder whole, and he did the only thing he could think to do: push Scully away to save her from him

He would go days without saying a word to her, or even looking at her. He’d lock himself in his office with a bottle of whiskey and remnants of a past life that had been so rudely stolen from him. He could tell that Scully was reaching her limit, but he kept pushing, like he always did.

One day she finally had enough and left. Mulder never thought she’d actually do it, and maybe she wouldn’t have if he hadn’t put the final nail in the coffin.

He was stone cold sober. She had her bags packed, but it wasn’t over yet. This was her final attempt to get him to see what he was doing to them. She wasn’t really going to leave, not if he showed her even the slightest glimmer of hope.

“I can’t do this anymore, Mulder! I can’t live like this! I can’t stay with you, not after everything you’ve done to me these past months!” She cries out.

“You can’t stay with me?” He nearly lets out a chuckle. “That’s rich, especially coming from you, Scully, after I stayed with you even after you gave away our son without even giving me a say so!”

By the time he feels the sting of her open palm on his cheek, she’s already halfway down the driveway and completely out of his life.

 

For the first couple of days, maybe even weeks, he’s numb. He feels nothing. No sadness. No anger. No remorse.

The anger hits him first. He accidentally knocks down one of Scully’s books that she left behind. A small, worn picture of the two of them at a crime scene falls out. It’s nothing special. They have the same one in a frame that he passes every day as he walks through the living room, but this is different.

The picture is worn at the edges, like Scully would idly rub her fingers against the picture while she read. It’s a relic of the past, from a time when they had more love than problems.

That stupid little worn picture forces him to remember everything he and Scully once shared. They were soulmates, yet she had so easily walked out on him like he meant nothing to her. Maybe that was the same thing she had done with their son too, he thinks and hates herself for thinking it.

The anger consumes him. He can’t stay in that house anymore. He needs to get away. He needs to forget about her.

The closest bar is 20 miles away. That’s where he ends up. Too many glasses of whiskey later and he has some 30 year old brunette with big tits pressed against the cold exterior wall of the bar as he fucks out his aggression. Then its over, and as he tucks his dick back inside his pants all the other emotions come flooding back to him at once.

The guilt strangles him like a noose around his neck. He’s a cheater. He just cheated on Scully. It doesn’t matter if they technically aren’t together. She is a part of him. He belongs to her now and forever. His stomach starts churning, and he can’t stop the vomit from coming up.

“Oh, Scully. What have I done to you?” He cries out to the darkness before another round of vomiting.

He wants to die for what he put her through, but he would never do that to her. Another round of whiskey comes up from his stomach, and then another until there’s nothing left. His stomach is as bare as his bed now is.

Soon enough, the vomiting stops and Mulder pulls out his phone. It’s the first time he’s called her since she left. It doesn’t surprise him when she doesn’t answer.

“Scully, I am so sorry.” He chokes out as tears flow down his face. “For everything. I’m going to get some help, and then I’m going to make this up to you. I’m going to do better. You’re my one in 5 billion, Scully. I love you, Dana, always. I’m sorry I couldn’t be as strong as you. I’ll do better, I promise.” He hangs up the phone and passes out, still leaning against the wall of the bar.

The next day he makes an appointment to see a psychiatrist.


End file.
